Saturday, February 17, 2007

Thoughts on turning 26

I was at the river today and it danced with my spirits, whispering life into my ears and erasing disappointment in myself. It must be why god created the eel river, just for this one morning, just for me. my writers mind is very un exercised and very week, still on it's mothers milk and that milk lacks vitamins, but all is not lost, 26 is not the end of things it is the begginning, the very beggining of my next quarter century. This next chapter is going to be different, harder but in a very comforting way, the comfort coming from the realization that I still have my arms and legs, weak yes, gone no. God is my drill instructor but he is not erasing my identity he is drawing it out. I am officially meeting myself for the first time the part of me that will be around for eternity, the part of me that God thought up and molded out of dust, the unique life that only I can bring. excited to meet everyone else in this same way. Now I understand how this makes God my father. Now I understand what spirit means... I think. I love icecream and the creamy texture that kept me going on the rocky peopleful Portugese beach. I sat on those rocks for 9 hours, journaling, painting, eating ice cream and people watching. I love being in the mist of strangers for hours, people you might never talk to and will never see again. I love when warmth enters my bones and I can not do much when it doesn't, that's when I just have to survive, that is all winter. But spring time and summer makes me dance, makes me dig my hands in the dirt and and wear straw brimmed hats. It makes me walk on trails that I forget about in the winter, and my shoes are tossed aside to hybernate. Summer is a gift from God to me. The sun on bared shoulders, I wish my nose still had freckles on it, as when I was a little girl, then I would feel like a true summer baby. I wish my nose was freckled and my skin milky and my hair cherry red. But now I am wishing I were someone else completely. I am tanned and tall, long brown hair, and a victorian nose or so some say. I am a gifted writer and a talented West African dancer or at least I am those things in my imagination. But summer is where imagination meets reality in the form of hope. My hope right now is in knowing summer will come again someday, it's proved itself true 26 times that I can count, it will meet me again.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Practical joke on mom

Yesterday I had a message from my mom and she was saying, Renee, Darwin is playing a joke on me he and a guy named Steve that owns some tire place say that you are dating him, I know there messing with me but just call me back and set my mind at rest. So I call her back and say,

Steve, he fixed my tires for me, yah we're dating.

That's not funny, Darwin called you didn't he, he told you what to say.

No he didn't I promise, me and Steve are dating,

Renee stop, this isn't funny

of course it's not funny, my love isn't a joke

Renee! So I suppose it doesn't matter to you that Steve is my age and gets drunk all the time

Well maybe I see something special in him, he has a good heart.

Renee! When did Darwin call you

He didn't I promise I haven't talked to Darwin

Renee! you're being mean, you're lying to me!

No I'm not, me and Steve are together

Ewww I'm so mad at you and Darwin right now


Renee! this isn't funny anymore! Just tell me the truth

I am!

Oh! so it doesn't matter that Steve has a girlfriend

Well he's not married

Renee! he said he took you on his boat, when have you had time to do that while you've been in town

I came to town when you didn't know, I didn't want anyone to know I was in town, cause I wanted to spend all my time with him

Renee, fine I'm gonna call Darwin and make him tell me the truth


alright (long pause) ........ Renee! I know you're lying to me

Well you can believe whatever you want

I'm gonna call Darwin

go for it

alright (another long pause) ........ (the I'm gonna call Darwins and long pauses go on for a While)

Then finally she gets off the phone, leaving me quite amused and wondering who this Steve guy is anyway.