Monday, June 16, 2008

Nervous about India

The times that I feel breath, I didn't realize I had been holding inside, finally set free, are the times that I realize, I am not responsible to anyone but God. My moving to India is not childish or selfish, not even wasteful. I am not putting life on hold, quite the opposite.
I am very nervous though. My stomach a little wrenched. Worry floods in about getting everything done in time. What if I get sick while I am there, what about malaria, what If I get there and am miserable. But isn't the baby bird nervous, when it's mother pushes it out of the nest, teaching it to soar.
For me soaring is experiencing the beauty of people all over the world, who bear an image of God that I will never experience within my own culture alone, so many stories and mysteries wrapped up in different packages, worth far more than big screen televisions, fancy furniture, "retirement packages", or nice cars.
I am nervous about India, it will be hot, there will be cockroaches, trash heaps staring me in the face, hungry children, dirtiness, poverty,but really isn't that everywhere, if not in plane sight then in another form. In attitudes, consumerism, fear of one another, everywhere in the world there is the filth and then there is treasure... Gods beauty...
I am indeed feeling nervous about India, and I can't just change how I feel, But I can remind myself, that the baby bird is nervous, right before it soars.


Blogger mommasara said...

how's your health been?

2:30 PM  
Blogger The Reitsma Family said...

When do you plan to leave? From mommasara - have you been sick lately? Miss you my lovely Renee.

8:19 AM  
Blogger Tj & Mark said...

What is all this talk of you being sick... are you sick? what? ... I can't hear you. You must be sick.
India will be a dump and you will love it. You always find the lining you know. The silver and gold lining that shines. I am glad you are back. Keep it coming, Girl. Lots of love, forever friends.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

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8:23 PM  
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8:25 PM  

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